


surrender

by summerwoodsmoke



Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: ...it's not very detailed and it's very brief but to be safe, Body Horror, Gen, Nightmares, post-2.15, post-Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-11-04 06:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17893016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerwoodsmoke/pseuds/summerwoodsmoke
Summary: The first night Andy is back with his family, he's still doubting whether he really belongs.





	surrender

It was weird for Andy, in apartment 312. He’d been here before, but as a guest, and now he was here with the intention of staying, and everything just felt...off. After he and Lauren finally pulled back from their hug, and after they’d met up with Lorna and Marcos and John for a bit, they went back to their apartment, just the four of them. Mom had bustled them to the table and she’d made sure he ate some food, even though it was almost midnight by that point. Andy resisted the urge to snark something like, ‘They did feed me, you know’. He didn’t wanna think about what he’d left, and he didn’t wanna remind his family of it either.

Dad told him about his powers a bit more, which was cool, although Andy still didn’t know what to think about what he’d said on the phone. What he’d done. Nobody brought it up: it seemed nobody else knew what to think either.

Eventually, Mom noticed Lauren yawning and decided it was time for them all to go to bed. “Honey, do you mind sharing a bed with Lauren? We have the couch, but I think you might be too tall for it.” She gave him a small smile and brushed his hair out of his eyes.

A year ago, Andy would’ve joked, ‘Put Lauren on the couch, and I’ll have the bed to myself!’, but he didn’t feel comfortable saying it now. And how messed up was that? He didn’t feel comfortable with his own family, at least not completely. He didn’t know what he’d do if he never got that back.

He smiled back at her. “Yeah, that’s fine, Mom.” He’d shared a bed with his sister before, and he really didn’t care where he slept tonight. He just wanted to pass out and forget about what was coming tomorrow for as long as he could.

Mom turned to Lauren. “Is that alright with you, Lauren?”

Lauren was looking at Andy when she answered. “It’s fine, Mom.” She nodded and smiled at her before heading over to the French doors a few feet away. “I’ll clear it up a bit.”

Andy furrowed his brow. “Is that a bedroom?” he asked, gesturing to the French doors. “I figured it was another living room, a fancy one or whatever.”

Dad laughed a bit. “Yeah, I think it’s supposed to be a den or an office, but it’s just a one bedroom apartment, so we made that up into a room for Lauren, since it at least had doors of some sort.”

Andy looked at the doors again and nodded. After another round of hugs, his parents headed off to their room and Andy got ready for bed in the bathroom. He spent a solid two minutes just leaning over the sink, focusing on his breathing and trying not to think of the Frosts, of Reeva, of Sage or Rebecca. He almost wanted to go find Lorna, make her list all her reasons again, make her talk some sense into him, but he didn’t want to interrupt her and Marcos. Eventually he just told himself to get over himself and splashed some water on his face.

The first thing he noticed about the room, when he entered it, was the dresser. It looked...cut open. The entire top was missing, the bottom of the first drawer had been converted into a shelf, and the angle of the cut exposed the second drawer a bit too. After a few seconds of staring, he closed the door behind him and pointed at the dresser. “What happened?”

Lauren looked up from the vanity where she was fiddling with something. “Oh. Uh.” Her hands dropped to her sides. “I was using my powers in my sleep.” She pointed at the ceiling ruefully. Andy looked up to see loose wiring. “There used to be a fan there, too. Sorry if you overheat tonight.”

Andy’s gaze dropped back to meet hers. “Was it...?” he asked cautiously.

“One of our dreams? No. No, don’t worry about it, just a nightmare. And it was the first time I used my power that way, so I have it under control now. I’m, uh, I’m gonna go brush my teeth, I’ll be right back.” She gestured to the bed, “Take whatever side you like.”

As soon as she left, Andy headed to the vanity. There a music box sat, seeming completely innocuous, although Andy knew _something_ had to be up with it, otherwise Lauren wouldn’t care. This thing looked old, vintage. Lauren had never been into that stuff, and especially not now that she’d been on the run for a year and didn’t have a lot of room or time for fragile things.

Andy’s fingers traced the faded, flowered design on the smooth wooden top of the box. He wanted to open it, see if there was a hidden secret inside, but he didn’t want to risk it going off and Lauren or their parents hearing it, so he left it. He chose the bed side furthest from the music box, out of spite aimed at no one, and to his surprise, fell asleep with the lights on, before Lauren even came back from the bathroom.

Sleep came quickly, but it was not restful. Andy had a nightmare. Not a Fenris dream, where Lauren threw him across a room or he threw her off a roof, no, just a good, old-fashioned nightmare. He stood in an empty space, his hands outstretched before him, with Reeva standing next to him, encouraging him to tear apart the scores of faceless people in front of him. It then shifted to Rebecca egging him on to tear Reeva apart, which then turned into a voice in his ear telling him to tear apart Rebecca. _Do it_ , the voice urged him, and after a few seconds, he did. And it wasn’t like how it happened in real life—he didn’t shove her across a hallway and break her neck. No, he did exactly what the voices had all told him to do: he tore her apart, slowly, like he was tearing a piece of paper. He couldn’t even do that with his powers, in real life, but dreams never had to make sense. Slow and purposeful, he tore, and Rebecca screamed as she split in two. She screamed just like she had when she’d been stuck in that prison Reeva had made for her, screamed and screamed until she could scream no more, and then it was Andy screaming instead.

—

“Andy. Andy! Andy! ANDY!”

Andy woke to a hoarse throat, saliva pooling in his mouth, and his sister leaning over him, concern on her face.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. He didn’t answer. Instead, he threw off the covers and stumbled to the bathroom, just managing to make it before he threw up.

After a few incoherent minutes, he was aware of Lauren sitting on the floor with him, her back against the closed bathroom door.

“Did I wake up Mom and Dad?” he asked. He grabbed some toilet paper off the roll and wiped his face.

“No, you’re fine.” She leaned forward and handed him a glass of water. “You weren’t very loud, you were just...thrashing, and muttering under your breath.”

Andy rinsed and spat. “Sorry,” he croaked. She shook her head. He took a gulp of water; he could feel her watching him, could feel questions bubbling up inside her, as well as he could feel his own revulsion towards his dream bubbling up in himself. They sat in silence for a few minutes longer, Andy flushing the toilet and slowly sipping the water as he braced himself for whatever his sister was about to ask. When she did break the silence, it wasn’t really what Andy expected.

“When you were on the phone with Dad,” Lauren said, “We were all in the car together.” Andy closed his eyes and leaned back against the wall. Lauren’s voice got quiet. “I heard what he said about being a monster. Was that what the dream was about? A person you killed?”

Andy took in a shuddery breath. The sound of Rebecca’s screams still filled his head. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“I get that. But Andy...I just want you to know that Dad was right. If you’re a monster, that makes all of us monsters. And we love you anyway.” She unfolded her legs and nudged his knee with one of her feet.

 _Do I deserve it, though?_ he thought bitterly. Maybe he shouldn’t have let Dad and Lorna convince him, maybe he should’ve stayed with the Inner Circle, because sure, maybe his whole family were monsters, but they were monsters that killed and hurt Purifiers and Sentinel Services. He’d killed a mutant. A friend.

A shuffling noise pulled him out of his thoughts, and he watched as Lauren slid across the floor to settle next to him, watched as she tugged at his shirtsleeve until he surrendered his arm to her. She rested his arm on her thigh, palm up, then settled her own arm above his, until their hands just barely brushed. Andy’s eyes fluttered shut as the barest hint of Fenris began to rise up within him. She didn’t let their hands touch, not really. Just brush. It was torture, but he still loved it. Any Fenris was better than none, and it was so much better than it had ever been in their dreams.

“Love,” Lauren said quietly. “Isn’t about deserving.” Andy dragged his eyes back open. Lauren was studying their hands, probably watching that infinitesimal space between them, that infinitesimal glow emanating from them. Andy felt barely awake, but he forced himself to process her words. “Our great-grandparents, even our grandpa, did some pretty awful things. But they still had love.” She let their hands touch for the barest second. “ _We’ve_ done awful things.” She looked up at him then, resting her hand safely on his shirtsleeve. Her eyes were focused and fierce and Andy couldn’t look away. “And you’ve done awful things all on your own.” Andy could feel his eyes growing wet. He shivered and she tightened her grip. “And I’m not saying it doesn’t matter, Andy, it does. But it’s also finite. You’ll carry them with you forever, but they won’t always have this _weight_.” Andy blinked and felt a tear hit his cheek. Lauren let go of his arm to wipe it away. A tiny thrill of Fenris, even there.

He tried to ask her, something, anything, but he couldn’t find the words. _Are you sure? Do you mean it? Is this real? Can I have more than this? Do I deserve more than this? Will I ever escape this?_

She looked at him with more love on her face than he’d seen since he left her, and she nodded.

**Author's Note:**

> me rewatching clips on youtube: whys this apartment layout so WACK  
> i never actually figured it out and just made assumptions whatever whatever 
> 
> ANYWAY 2.15 got me all up in my strucker feelings about monsters and monstrous actions and darkness and hope and like, cosmic love by florence, so this happened. i meant it to be an andy study but then, like always, andy/lauren happened. so it's a mix! but that's ok!
> 
> thanks for reading! kudos and comments are much appreciated. if you like, you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/alinastarkovas) or on [tumblr](https://tanosoka.tumblr.com)


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